Where I'm From

I am from a dusty old swing set that threatened to collapse every summer. 

This was from the hours I swung from it, 

contemplating the universe 

and the boy across the street.

I am from a house that used to be a veterinary clinic. 

They left much behind. 

There is still a strange room full of broken microscopes, 

syringes of medicine wrapped in paper, 

and huge volumes on the anatomy of horses; 

all caked in dust.

I am from a field covered in yellow wildflowers, 

with ancient pine trees lining the fence.

 I would climb them until I reached the very top, 

and peek out from behind the needles.

 I was a dryad, blending into the bark 

like it was my own skin.

I am from homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast every Christmas Day; 

the one time my stepfather cooks for us.

 My siblings: Emma always complains about her presents;

 Mali complains about Emma. Samuel cries. 

I hide from my distant stepfamily. 

I am from picking through grandchildren 

like you would a barrel of apples; 

toss the ones that are odd-shaped or bruised. 

I’m from knowing about fire and death before my friends, 

because my stepfather was a cop.

From “Family will never desert you” 

and watching as mine shrunk

 from twenty people to a handful. 

I’m from “You’d better get your chores done before he gets home,” 

and “You’d better get your ass in gear.”

 My childhood was over the moment I realized he had ceased to scare me. 

I am from sitting through Lutheran service every Sunday, 

in a modest skirt and tights I had ripped playing basketball. 

I argued with the Sunday School teacher, 

and moved to the pastor 

when her answers did not satisfy me.

 Soon I learned to keep my mouth shut 

until I could choose for myself. 

I’m from ancestors in Ireland, 

then Great Falls, Montana;

 where it snows in July

 And everyone smells like buffalo burgers and cigarettes.

I’m from watching my mother go through her stages of depression, 

and seeing her leave me a week to visit her “friends.” 

She left expecting me to take care of myself, 

and I learned by doing everything wrong. 

I am from, Billings, Great Falls, Taneyville, Forsyth, Aurora, Springfield. 

I am from a biological family, briefly introduced, in Montana. 

I am from three siblings I might see once a month, and a mother. 

I am from tossing out someone else’s history,

 and beginning my own.